16 on the 16th of november huh...

so from what i have collected i am not at all an open person when it gets to my personal life on this blog. i dont really say much about myself. i only update what goes on in my life. then i think, a blog is for expressing your thoughts and feelings without giving a shit what people think right? but yet i still hold a hesitance for saying everything here..i guess theres still an element of profound insecurity and self consciousness of being totally open here. but a few words wouldnt hurt..

anyway when i was younger, turning 16 was a big deal. not that i wanted to grow up fast and act older than i was but to skip all the 'boring years' and live life the way i saw the teenagers did. now im here, i could honestly tell you i wish i was 8 again. in those days, you had no problems, you didnt have to think very much about anything and if something bothered you it would only last for a minute then everythings okay again. this however, is not the case now. though they say the adolescent years are the funnest they too are the hardest.

its during these years, emotions take over everything. we experience new things, feelings and vibes. we're all kinda noob at everything, lollll. like were not quite strong enough to ignore problems completely but instead let them eat into us then only last minute realize you could have been stronger when during the whole time, the problem has already corrupted ones well being. the littlest things mean everything to you. you hurt the ones you love. you adore the ones that ignore you. and you dont treat the ones you should be treating the way you should be. in this matter, my Mum; i know i can be such a female dog to you at times, ive given you a lot of problems and disappointment and when we argue its like world war 3 in the making. though we mutually agree its due to my hormones and whatnot hahaha i cant say im very proud of our relationship. you tell me all the time that ill regret the way ive been and as soon as i move out, im forever out of parental assistance, living my own life. to myself i think its a long way ahead but really time passes so quickly and ill be on my own in a very short matter of time and heck, ill miss you so much

Dad, i only see you once a year and you have no idea how much it breaks me to say goodbye every time. as the summers go by, it gets harder and harder because we have more to hold onto in our relationship. ive always wished that you were here to see me grow up, someone to ask me how school was when i got home, and back when i was 7, someones arms i could run into in the playground when school finished….

but i never had that and i feel sorry for the fact you couldnt experience that either.

for what happened, i hope it was the best for all of us. but i never fail to get emotional when i think what we could have been. thank you for everything, sorry for the things i have done and i love you both very much.

turning 16 just seems like another day. nothing different. nothing more. nothing less.

that was actually written on my birthday..then..saved as a draft but i decided it shall be posted.

anyway had the best birthday ever thanks to certain people who made it 'the best birthday ever'! i must say im so pleased with the presents this year :)

love you guyssss